One of the things we often get wrong in life is assuming that blessings are distributed evenly, arrive in the same form and on the same timeline for everyone, and require the same amount of effort.
Some people are blessed with ease. They meet their person young. They are chosen quickly and effortlessly. They are loved loudly, just as they are.
Others are not given that particular blessing.
When all my friends were meeting their partners and marrying in their twenties and early thirties, like a typical Nigerian girl, I was convinced I was cursed because it wasn’t happening on the same timeline.
And yet, I’m grateful for how my story turned out.
What I understand now, and what I want to impart, is this: where some people are blessed with ease, others are asked to wait or to work. And where we are asked to work is simply the shape our lives take.
If love came easily to your friends, if they were accepted as they were, if they met someone randomly and effortlessly, that may have been their blessing.
Yours may look different.
You may have to work harder here, and less hard elsewhere. You may not struggle professionally. You may not struggle financially or socially. You may not struggle with purpose or direction. But you may be asked to apply discipline and more effort to how you present yourself and how you enter the dating market.
That is not a self-betrayal. It is simply the terrain.
I had to give some tough dating advice on this topic the other day, and I may need to do it again soon.
The Advice No One Wants to Hear
I was recently talking to a close friend who has been single for longer than we can remember. This is not a case of being picky or waiting for the right man. She simply has not been asked on a date in years.
This is a reality some of the people we love quietly face.
I told her something uncomfortable. I said she might need to update her appearance. Wear makeup. Change her hair. Maybe switch to contact lenses.
In this “accept me as I am” era, this feels almost forbidden to say. But to make a good selection, you need options. If no one is calling, it may be worth looking at the lowest-hanging fruit.
With men, attraction often begins with how you look.
She responded, “The right guy will love me as I am.”
But the right guy has not met you yet. How can he love you already?
I will likely need to give similar advice to a man I know who is single and looking. He will undoubtedly point to another man and say, “But I look better than those guys.”
Fine. That was their luck. They found people despite a superficial disadvantage. You are fortunate in many other ways. Fix your teeth.